Follow up for anyone that finds this thread.
The mouser listing was wrong and that part number is for a 3 position connector. Aliexpress was the only place I could find connectors actually instock or didn't have a minimum order number.
Sumitomo - Cant find the aliexpress part number but its a Sumitomo 2.2mm 2 pin
Yazaki - 7183-7872-30
Sumitomo - Engagement indicator
Yazaki - Engagement actuator
Engagement indicator - Normally open circuit but once the engagement ring is activated, the circuit becomes closed completing the circuit. Use this for a light that is activated once the locking ring is fully engaged.
Engagement actuator - this requires battery voltage on a switch and has polarity. The unpowered state is open, and a constant voltage is required for the ring to stay engaged. The factory Fuse is 10 amps, which seems to be overkill. Be careful if you pull the male side out of the differential, its a tight fit and has an oring for sealing. Its very easy to break the mounting tab, and no idea if Nissan will sell just that part. Its the black plug in the first attached picture to this thread.
Wiring harness - has to be custom but a normally open relay would be best, incase it fails, you wont destroy the locker. if anyone is interested, I can sketch up a diagram of my planned wiring harness. You could wire everything to a direct on off switch, but I prefer to use relays in switched applications like this.